When Questions Help More Than Answers

We live in an answer-focused society. There’s no shortage of experts telling us how to make money, lose weight, get more sleep, have a better marriage, or just be happier. Answers are a convenient way to manage anxiety. You might feel calmer when you get a diagnosis. A family calms down when they have a scapegoat to blame.  And it’s reassuring when your therapist hands... Read more ❯

When You’re Too Close to the Problem

When people come to therapy, they often have a specific problem they want to fix. The trouble is, relationships rarely calm down when we put them under a microscope. Too much of an anxious focus can keep us stuck. Dr. Bowen called this the “close-up view” and compared it to a football game. When you’re on the field, you don’t have the advantage of someone... Read more ❯

Where Is All Your Energy Going? The Answer Might Surprise You.

What’s the one area of life where you waste the most energy? Many people would say social media, but I have a different suggestion for you: your relationships. How much mental and emotional energy do you spend on these behaviors? Wondering whether someone likes you.Wondering whether you’re annoying someone.Detecting potential upsetness in others. Assuming you know what people think or need.Trying to be the kind of... Read more ❯

20 Questions for Growing in the New Year

Happy New Year from Washington, DC. My kid has been back in school for three weeks, which feels like nothing short of a miracle in a city dripping with anxiety and omicron. I’m loving all the new year conversations with clients. People are rich in data from holiday interactions with family, and they are curious about what can make a difference this time around the... Read more ❯

The Trouble With Togetherness

There are two things you need to know about families: 1. Families operate in predictable patterns to keep things calm. 2. Some families can respond more flexibly to stress than others. Sprinkle some festive holiday anxiety on top, and family patterns become even more rigid. When I spent a week with my family at Thanksgiving, I saw these truths in action. Inevitably, I participated in... Read more ❯

The Anxious Overachiever

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